When we get tired....

Hi Friends!

We all get tired, and worn out at times.  This certainly does not exclude the author of this blog.  Lately, I've just felt a pinch burnt out really.  With managing three lines of business, raising an honor roll student, a soon-to-be first grader, taking care of myself, serving my community, self-publishing a book, and doing it all with full energy has left me feeling depleted at times.

I recognized that my feeling of being burnt out required a serious plan of action when all of the sudden I began forgetting important dates, neglecting to take care of my body, wasn't fellowshipping with friends as much, and even started sacrificing my sleep to get things done at night, that I couldn't tackle during the day.  Truthfully, I started slipping, becoming scatter-brained, and people started noticing.

Friends around me started asking why I was taking on so much, and when I really thought about it, I had to ask myself the same question.  Why was I attempting to water so many flowers when I knew full well that my own watering pot was starting to run low?  The answer was simple for me.. Honestly, I felt like I had to be, "superwoman" in order to be successful.  In my quiet moment however, I heard a voice say, "Slow down Mel.. Be kind to yourself.  Focus on what is most important.  Do not become weary in your well-doing."

It is then that I decided to not only listen, but to submit to what I was hearing.

"Slow Down"

I am sure that many of you can relate to this.. The fact of the matter is that many of us wear SO many hats, and are required to wear them well.  It just becomes A LOT, and the feeling of being overwhelmed starts to settle in.  I get it.  I was there.  When I made the decision to slow down, what that meant for me was adding structure to my life, and subtracting all things that truly didn't belong.

1. I  had to take out any additional, "stuff" that didn't need to be there.  Projects that could wait to be worked on down the road, were put on the back burner.  People that zapped my energy, I lovingly had to let go of.  This wasn't the easiest of processes, and unfortunately resulted in one budding friendship to dissolve as she didn't understand that I couldn't be there for her in the manner she wanted.  Nevertheless, I had to do it for the well-being of me.

2. I purchased a planner, and really made time to schedule my success.  In other words, in a twelve hour day about six days a week, I know how 10 hours of that day will be spent.  I have time devoted to my health regime, each of my projects, my lunch (which is prepared the night before to avoid bingeing), social media time (as a business owner this is key for me), as well as time when I follow up to clients.  I know it sounds wayyyyy too disciplined to some, but for someone who is a true artist at heart, if I didn't do this, then the scatterbrain like energy would have continued.

3. I had learned to say no, and mean it. My true nature is to love on people, and to try to save the world. It's just who I am, and I love that quality (humbly speaking) about myself.  HOWEVER... True ministry starts at home.  It's very hard to inspire, assist, and be there for others when our own lives are in complete disarray.  How much good do we serve this world, when we aren't at the best place ourselves? That said, when I learned to turn down offers, and to not add too much more to my plate, I noticed that the feeling of being overwhelmed lessened.

4. I made a commitment to stop being on my phone conducting business when in my car.  A lot of us don't want to admit it, but don't worry---this is a, "Keep it Real Zone" all day long on this blog.  You'll find that I will always tell it like it is ESPECIALLY if it will help others to heal in that area.  So, the truth was, that when I was going from one appointment to the next, my car felt more like a mobile office.  I was talking to clients, responding to messages at red lights in traffic, making to-do lists in parking lots etc.  No bueno! Not only was this truly not healthy, but it certainly wasn't safe for me.  .  Even with my headset on, I've found that my focus on the road wasn't all the way there, nor was it for my clients. Sllllllow down Mel....

5.As a business owner the goal is certainly to remain above water, and out of the red zone financially. Being a single mother put the fire under my belt all the more to really push myself to do more than survive, but to live.  That makes complete sense right? What I've learned however is that I didn't have to take every appointment request that came my way.  If I needed to rest, then rest it should've been.  I was coming home grumpier than usual at times, and how fair was that to myself, or those closest to me?  Yes, the extra money is always fabulous, but at what expense? Now, my focus is to work hard, but smarter.  Rather than 22 small little jobs that require me being all over the place, my goal is now to book 5 larger jobs thereby avoiding major stress.  For all my entrepreneur's out there, I strongly suggest the same formula.

"Be kind to yourself"

Goodness gracious is this not the truth? The world beats us down enough! Why on earth should we add to this? Yet, we do. Often times we think that by being self-depracating it is the honorable, and/or humble way to be.  We talk negatively about our appearances, apologize for not being perfect, take on unrealistic expectations, belittle ourselves when we don't perform well, or even make ourselves pay for, mistakes/slip-ups from our pasts.  Notice I said, "we", right?  I am taking a page from my own book on this one here.  I am committed to loving on myself as much as I love on others.  I'll eat wholesome nutritious foods, use positive language toward myself, guard my mind/ears from negativity, forgive myself for past mistakes, and learn to accept that my imperfections are perfectly dope still.

No more negative self talk, or thoughts. I'm being kind to me.


"Focus on what is important".

For many years I placed my focus on things that were not fruitful, and thus I bore no fruit.  In other words, when I was placing ALL my energy on people that may have offended me, projects that didn't pan out, the cellulite on my thighs, etc., it didn't get me anywhere at all.  If anything, it kept me miserable, and distracted from what really mattered.  Here's an example:  Ever complain about how cold it is outside, and totally overlook the fact that you're blessed to even have a coat on your back to keep you warm? Find yourself griping about the cost of gas being high, and neglect to be thankful you have a car to even fill up? I've been guilty of this myself, and I had to to do a self check on this area. It is the same concept in reference to focus.  Wherever we place our focus, is ultimately how our lives will be shaped. For me, I choose to focus on how blessed I am even though I still have struggles like everyone else.  I choose to focus on being positive, as negativity never worked out so well for me.

"Do not become weary in your well-doing" (Galatians 6:9).

This scripture no matter what your beliefs may be is so comforting! Oh, and it get's better! Read on: "for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up".  There are MANY occasions that I   feel worn out doing the work that I do.  It's not the people that wear me out at all, quite the contrary actually. What happens is, life smacks me in the face, and in the midst of recovering from the smack, I'm still serving.  I remember on one occasion, I had gotten into a car accident earlier in the day, and was still required to go speak at a shelter that same night.

Without a car, I still had to hold it together, and be positive when on the inside I was feeling bummed.   That night that I spoke, I met a woman who saw me speak the Sunday prior at church, and it was then that she told me that night how much my words meant to her.  If I hadn't of gotten into the accident, I would have never met her. That night when I traveled home, I knew that everything happens for the greatest good, and THAT gave me motivation to push on.

The above scripture reminds me of the importance of holding on, pressing forward, and not giving up even when we want to.  Rather than having multiple pity parties, why not have power parties? Instead of, "woe is me", why not, "why is me?" instead?  Here's the thing, I fail at this at times, but you know what? When you know better, you do better.  And, so it is! I'm still pressing forward---no matter what!  I'm committed to not letting my tired days keep me down.

Side note---remember how I was upset about my car being in an accident?  A week or so later the mechanic, "miraculously" called me and told me that I wouldn't have to pay the dollar amount they initially quoted me.  I saved hundreds of dollars!  Some call it Karma, Good Luck, etc.  For me, I know that it was God blessing me for going to speak, and it was one of those character building experiences that increased my strength.


I hope that this post blessed you, as much as my processing change blessed me.  When you're tired, rest, and take inventory of your life.  Decide what is of the upmost importance, and what can wait. Then, make it so. You'll be so much better because of it.


Wishing you love, and Light my friends!  I'm MelissaRoshan (MelRo). I am one woman, with one heart, and one voice.  Until next time...